


Find me, Forget Me Not

by Goldyfish



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: #Sad, #Torture, #angst, #calebhasreallybadluckjfc, #criticalrole, #flowerlanguage, #idontknowhowtotaghelpme, #longhaul, #slowburn, #thetraveler, #thisgetsreallysadandheavywillprobablyhavetoupdatethetagslateron, AU, M/M, alternatecannon, canondivergent, prettymuchdeviatesafterthe"whispersofwar"episode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 19:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19091671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldyfish/pseuds/Goldyfish
Summary: A job gone wrong leaves Caleb in the grasp of a scheming evil struggling to stay sane. Hope seem's dim when he realises a spell placed upon the Mighty Nein is forcibly scrubbing their minds of their wizard, cursing them to forget. All seems doomed, as each day they cannot find their companion leaves him fainter in their memories.That is, until Mollymauk dreams of Forget Me Not's.Find me, forget me not,It does not matter what life you forgot,Blue feathers on your skin ,The flames remind me of my sin,Hold my hand, brush my shoulder,Your heart warms me from getting colder,The waning of the moon just reminds us we’re getting older.





	Find me, Forget Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there reader, welcome to my first ever fanfiction on this site. Of course, I can never do things in halves, so prepare to stick around for the long haul as I meticulously write a novel length slow burn angsty fanfiction about one of the best things I've ever watched; Critical role! Enjoy!
> 
> ( Also to that one caleb cosplayer, if you find this, I'm so sorry it took me like 2 months to upload this after I met you at my table. Bless.)

Find me, forget me not,  
It does not matter what life you forgot,  
Blue feathers on your skin ,  
The flames remind me of my sin,  
Hold my hand, brush my shoulder,  
Your heart warms me from getting colder,  
The waning of the moon just reminds us we’re getting older.

 

He did not remember when it had started. The gentle brushing of hands, how they always seemed to end up by each other's side. Even if it was in silence, it felt comfortable. Which was strange for Mollymauk. Silence tended to long to be filled, and he was more than happy to oblige. When one finds themselves raising from the dead into a second life, one tends to find they have no patience for anything, not even quiet.

Caleb was different. Quite literally. He’d never met anyone, that he could remember anyway, that recoiled so violently from the world. It was like those pretty watery blue eyes were haunted by ghosts only he could see. Molly wanted to know who he was before they’d met. At first it was just curiosity but at this point it’d almost become a hobby of sorts to find out as much as possible from the closed off wizard.

Molly could not find it in himself to care much for the past, or the dead. He had neither anymore. But sometimes, when Caleb thought no one was watching, and his eyes glazed over and he curled into himself, Molly wished he could share his curse. Wished he could just take it all away. There was so much freedom in forgetting.  
It was a new feeling, and one he did not know entirely how to handle. So instead, it manifested itself in small comforts. Casually brushing shoulders to bring the wizard back to the present moment, to remind him where he was. Softened eyes when he snuck long longing glances, or staying near to try and become a reassuring presence. He tried to pretend not to notice when Caleb began to seek him out. Or the joy it gave him.

He tried not to grin when Caleb awoke him one night after a bout of nightmares that he refused to talk about, but wanted to be in the tiefling's presence regardless. He tried not to think about how quickly he jumped to indulge the man. How he’d jump at the opportunity to shower him with affection.

He tried to busy his mind by shuffling his tarot cards with an, admittedly, unnecessary amount of force. With a deft practiced motion he flicked three cards out onto his lap and glared down at his fortune.

The Empress, reversed; nosiness, smothering.  
The Lovers, reversed; pining.  
Judgement, reversed; lack of self awareness.

With an annoyed growl the cards were quickly shoved passive aggressively back into his coat. How dare his own deck sass him.

 

 _" What is fucking wrong with me."_ He snarled sharply in infernal, startling Jester, who had been dozing off next to him in the back of their horse cart. She blinked, and gave him a confused look, _" Are you not feeling well?"_ He glared off into the distance, back towards the road they had already passed, trying to find somewhere to direct his frustrated confusion.

 _" I don't know anymore. Sometimes I forget how much I don't know Jester..."_ the guttural infernal almost sounded like a low gurgle in his throat as his trailed off, leaving the blue tiefling perplexed, but just as confused as before. Jester did not push for more, strangely contemplative. He felt her gaze flicker back to him every few seconds, her mind ticking along faster than normal.

He found he could not bring himself to care, as he'd come to a rather drastic conclusion.

Mollymauk Tealeaf was not a patient man, but for Caleb, he was willing to wait

*****************************************************************************************

They made it to the tavern without much trouble. Besides of course the usual banter and bothering of the locals. Fortledale or whatever it was called was a small town near a river, quiet, and quaint. Molly found himself not particularly caring, especially when a pint of ale or several was near in his future. The next hour of negotiating for a place for their cart and rooms drawled on for far too long for the purple tieflings likings, but it made the taste of his booze all the sweeter. 

He made quick work of getting Nott and Jester giddy and bubbly and scouting the room for some suckers to scam. Indulging old habits with a welcomed ease, he found a group not well versed in fortune telling, his decision helped along by their gross harassment of the barkeep and set about robbing them blind. While they were drunkenly enchanted by his flashy card tricks and easy reading, he found it almost difficult not to smirk as he watched Nott have her pickings of their purses. Almost. He was a professional after all.

A few drinks later, easily paid for after the success of Jesters rigged card games and the teamwork of Molly and Nott, he found himself twirling Jester on the dance floor. A silly grin and purple red flush bloomed across his face ears and neck. If it was from dancing to the rapid drum beat or alcohol he couldn’t tell anymore. When the song slowed to transition to the next, Jester spun him around, before trotting off to get another drink. Leaving him alone to gather his breath and bearings. 

Next to him, it seemed that Nott had managed to drag Caleb from his seat at the table where Fjord was currently passed out, drooling onto the empty bottle he was cradling. As the music picked up once again, Nott danced around the bashful but amused wizard with a surprising sense of rhythm and grace. The same could not be said for Calab, as he tripped over his own feet, and swayed with obvious tipsiness. Even so, Mollymauk felt his heart swell at the sight of the small smile on the wizards face. In his drunken haze, he could feel his feet move of their own accord, only snapping back to reality when he felt a strong grip around his arm.

Molly flinched and turned to look at the blue tiefling grinning at him with a cheeky sort of mirth. Her eyes were sparklingly, and she shouted over the music,

“Let’s dance again Molly!” Molly blinked slowly, before shaking off his surprise and allowing himself to be twirled by Jester.

“You have either the worst or best of timing Jes,” He spun her in rapid circles, watching her dress twirl around her, “I haven’t decided which yet.”

Jester looked at him with a confused expression for a moment, before they broke eye contact to twirl around each other. They started to dance again, but every now and then she would catch him with a curious glance, or take her own peak at their friends now dancing a few feet away from them. Eventually she forgot about it, and they danced until their feet hurt and their stomachs could no longer hold down their drinks.

 

********************************************************************************************

Caleb Widogast was a man haunted by a past life that he destroyed. Whether or not anyone else would agree to his part in that destruction was redundant. He was a man that would always assume the worst of himself, and of the world. There were very few exceptions to this assumption, the obvious being his small companion, and self proclaimed protector, Nott. For the life of him, he could not think of her as anything but one of the best people he'd ever met; far too good for him. But now there was another name to this list, and one he found most confusing.

Said object of confusion sat not far from him, at a table of a strange assortment of drunk patrons. Molly grinned sharply as he dazzled them with his flashy card tricks, con-ing them for all the spare change they could muster. Caleb felt the ghost of a smile creep onto his face, something that had become increasingly more common the longer he spent with the group. It was often times followed by guilt, as it was today. Comfort and companionship was not something he felt he deserved.

He brushed the thoughts away, returning to his drink so that he could ground himself and resume his prior line of thought. Mollymauk had many a time proven himself to be a Liar, a man of paradox and folly. Scamming was his middle name, and he would gallivant his material and physical wants in public, shameless and proud. It would almost be admirable if Caleb could get over his own second hand embarrassment for the tiefling. Yet, like a moth to a flame, he was wholeheartedly attracted to the man. 

He frowned, " Perhaps, less like a moth and more like a shadow." 

" Why a shadow?" Caleb startled, not having noticing his roguish companion sliding in next to him at the table, her pockets much heavier then when she had left. "A shadow because...." He tilted his head, trying to grasp the words in common, " Where a flame goes, it always casts a shadow meaning...." Nott blinked owlishly, seeming to comprehend his metaphor.

" The shadow always follows?" Caleb gave her a small smile, though it was strained, and ruffled her hair.

" _Ja,_ the shadow always follows."

As he let his eyes wander back to the purple Tiefling, he realised just how bright a flame he'd found himself following.

_verdamnit ___

__****************************************************************_ _

__Caleb was not blind to the obvious stares and gossiping of his two tiefling companions. Even sober they had never been subtle, now it was even less so. The reason for the sudden attention however was lost to him. Nott was still attempting to dance circles around him long after the music has quieted down and finally stopped. He smiled at her, though it was heavy with weariness. If his grasp of time was as accurate as it usually was, it was well past midnight, guessing closer to 4am then anything. Sleep seemed like a useless endeavor, so he gently coaxed Nott up the stairs, planning on brushing up on one of his books until everyone awoke in a few hours._ _

__The Goblin complied easily once he scooped her up, gently burying her face into the crook of his shoulder. Once she was tucked into their bed, he made his way to the other side of the room where he has stashed his belongings. Just as Caleb was making his way to their bed, there was a soft knock on the door, so soft that if it had not been dead silent, except of course for the soft snoring of Nott, it probably would have gone unheard. Despite his slightly inebriated state, Caleb felt the warm sensation of magic tingling in his hands, cautiously approaching the door. But instead of an assault he was met with a familiar, easy grin._ _

__“Caleb, my dear. Off to bed so soon?” Molly had shed his coveted cloak and boots, instead leaning against Caleb's doorway in a very low cut v neck blouse, cinched at the waist with tight high waisted pants. Caleb tried to pretend that he didn't notice the way the gold around Molly’s neck accentuated his collar bones, or drew the eye downwards to his exposed chest and tattoos. He tried to ignore the irrational side of his inebriated brain that was very obviously admiring it._ _

__Awkwardly, Caleb forcefully dragged his wandering eyes away from his companion, instead focusing on a chipping in the paint of the wall next to the door frame. He was not so quick though that he did not notice the curiousness seeping into Molly’s smile._ _

__“ In bed, _ja_ , sleeping, _nein_ .” Caleb shrank inwardly at the wavering strained tone of his own voice. _Useless_ . “ What of you, Mr Tealeaf, I would’ve thought you’d be well asleep by now.”_ _

__The slow languid pattern of his companions tail caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Without seeming to realising it, his gaze began to follow as if entranced._ _

__“ Is it so strange for a friend to want to wish you goodnight, Mr Widogast?” the tail flicked in amusement, matching the playful tone of its owner. Caleb's eyes snapped back to the wall._ _

__“No, I suppose not…” He chanced a glance at his companion, who greeted him with a soft look. A Sort of mixture of drunken contentedness and peacefulness. There was a tightness in his chest, a painful mix of longing and defeat. These were not feelings he was equipped to deal with at this current moment, not with his slightly dulled senses and foggy mind. So, he simply quipped out a monotone, “Goodnight.” and closed the door before he did or said anything he’d regret tomorrow._ _

__Caleb knew better than anyone how fire could burn._ _


End file.
